If Bruce were a human, the things he does would put him in prison. And Neeko and Faolan would likely be as well.
Bruce's Rap Sheet
Theft - I can't even begin to list the number of things that he has stolen. From me. From Neeko. From Faolan. Toys. Food. Items of clothing.
Public Urination - on the regular. He can't walk anywhere without trying to pee on everything.
Public Indecency - put your lipstick away, buddy.
Loitering - he likes to hang out and do nothing.
Noise Violations - sometimes he likes to howl at 3:30 in the morning.
Inciting a Riot - I swear he encourages bad behavior from Neeko and Faolan.
Assault and Battery - On me, though the times are explainable. He pleads the fifth regarding the incidents with poultry.
Vandalism - he likes to attempt to destroy things that don't belong to him.
Attempted Breaking and Entering - it's a good thing he doesn't have opposable thumbs. Otherwise he'd be in any room or structure he pleases. He does try to turn door knobs with his teeth.
Obscenity - he's got a big mouth, and sure likes to scream sometimes.
Voyeurism - he's a creeper.
Resisting Arrest - if he's in trouble, he wants nothing to do with me.
Speeding - watch out when he has the zoomies.
Would your dog be in prison if they were a human? Are they guilty of any of these crimes or others?
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